FARMINGTON HOA INSTALLS RADAR SIGN TO SLOW E-SCOOTERS; DADS BEGIN RACING FOUR-WHEELERS FOR NEIGHBORHOOD RECORD

BOARD PRESIDENT POSTS FASTEST SPEED BEFORE CALLING EMERGENCY MEETING

By Daniel Raines, KTNB 27 Senior Reporter

NEWCASTLE — Farmington HOA’s effort to slow e-scooters has produced a four-wheeler competition and an emergency meeting chaired by the current record holder.

The association installed a portable radar sign beside its entrance after residents complained about e-scooters moving too quickly through the subdivision.

The sign displayed each approaching vehicle’s speed.

By Saturday afternoon, neighborhood dads were approaching it on purpose.

Board president Nathan Bishop said the first four-wheeler pass was intended to confirm that the equipment worked.

It worked at seven miles per hour.

A neighbor returned at eight.

Within an hour, neighborhood dads were lining up four-wheelers at the end of the street while someone recorded the results on a dry-erase board originally purchased for neighborhood announcements.

Bishop said he tried to explain that the display was a safety device.

He delivered that explanation after his second attempt.

“I needed to establish whether it was reading consistently,” he said.

His nine-mile-per-hour result was read consistently by everyone standing nearby.

Residents began asking whether a pass counted with the cargo rack attached, whether downhill runs were eligible and whether a sport quad belonged in the same division as a utility four-wheeler.

One homeowner protested that Bishop had removed the cargo rack.

Bishop said the bylaws were silent on attachments.

They were silent on most of what was happening.

By evening, a handwritten “TOP SPEED” column had been added to the neighborhood board, directly beneath the reminder about responsible vehicle operation.

Bishop called an emergency meeting to address the misuse of association property.

Several residents asked whether the meeting would occur before or after the final runs.

The board has since turned the radar display away from approaching traffic until it can decide how to prevent another competition without admitting that its president won the first one.

Bishop supports removing the results board.

He has requested a photograph first.

The neighborhood speed limit remains unchanged.

The record is under appeal.

© 2026 KTNB 27 Tri-City News. All Rights Reserved. — KTNB 27 Tri-City News is a satirical news outlet. This story is entirely satire/parody. Names, dialogue and events depicted in this story are invented for comedic purposes. Any resemblance to actual people or events is coincidental. Tuttle • Newcastle • Blanchard.

🛒 KTNB MERCH DESK

Like the stories? Wear the bullshit.

Official KTNB 27 merch is available now — shirts, hats, polos, jackets, stickers and other questionable financial decisions featuring your favorite completely legitimate local news organization.

Shop: Shop KTNB 27 ↗

Every purchase helps support the page, the content and whatever the hell this operation has become.

KTNB 27 — Local News. Allegedly.™

KTNB27 #Newcastle #LocalNewsAllegedly