NEWCASTLE MAN WELDS FISHING BOAT TO TRAILER TO PREVENT THEFT; ATTEMPTS TO LAUNCH BOTH, CLOSES RAMP
SECURITY SYSTEM WORKS PERFECTLY UNTIL OWNER NEEDS BOAT TO LEAVE TRAILER
By Daniel Raines, KTNB 27 Senior Reporter
NEWCASTLE — A Newcastle man’s homemade theft-prevention system kept his fishing boat attached to its trailer Monday morning, including during the part of the trip when that was no longer the goal.
Kyle Donnelly said he welded the boat directly to the trailer after deciding straps, locks and insurance represented too many separate opportunities for disappointment.
“Nobody can take the boat if they can’t get it off the trailer,” Donnelly said.
That portion of the plan remains undefeated.
Donnelly arrived at a local boat ramp shortly after sunrise, backed into the water and released the winch.
The boat did not move.
He backed in farther.
The trailer followed.
By the third attempt, the boat, trailer and rear half of the pickup were occupying the launch lane while Donnelly stood in the water studying several welds he had personally described the night before as permanent.
Other boaters initially assumed he was dealing with a stuck roller or a forgotten tie-down.
That explanation ended when Donnelly asked whether anyone had brought an angle grinder.
The waiting line quickly became an informal committee on what qualifies as marine equipment.
One man had an extension cord.
Another had a cordless grinder but only one battery.
A third suggested that cutting fresh welds beside the water might create a second problem before solving the first.
He was elected chairman without discussion.
Donnelly said the welds had looked smaller in the driveway.
“I was focused on theft,” he said. “Launching was tomorrow’s issue.”
Tomorrow arrived at the ramp.
Drivers waiting behind him began offering alternative solutions, including floating the trailer, unbolting the axle and declaring the entire assembly a houseboat.
Donnelly rejected the houseboat designation because it had no sleeping area.
Someone pointed at the pickup.
The proposal was tabled.
After nearly 40 minutes, Donnelly pulled the boat and trailer back out of the water and agreed to remove the welds somewhere that did not have six trucks waiting behind it.
The ramp reopened immediately.
Donnelly said he will replace the welds with a security system that can be unlocked.
He has not selected one yet.
He would like it to be permanent.
Several witnesses have asked him to reconsider that word.
The boat was not stolen.
It was also not launched.
© 2026 KTNB 27 Tri-City News. All Rights Reserved. — KTNB 27 Tri-City News is a satirical news outlet. This story is entirely satire/parody. Names, dialogue and events depicted in this story are invented for comedic purposes. Any resemblance to actual people or events is coincidental. Tuttle • Newcastle • Blanchard.
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